Don't Miss What is Waiting Right in Front of You

A friend suggested that I watch the TV series “Ted Lasso” and I’m very glad that she did. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the characters, the silly humor, and the drama. I watched the first three seasons joyfully and wished for more.

I was surprised, too, at how much I enjoyed Ted Lasso’s character. Ted seemed to be always trying to find a positive spin on life, a trait that (for obvious reasons, I hope) appealed to me. But Ted had his challenges, too, and through them he discovered lessons that would help him to grow.

One of the most powerful of the lessons that Ted needed to learn happened in episode 8 of season 3. The message in that episode was so powerful that I chose to take it as a lesson for myself. Perhaps, after I describe it, you will want to take it as a lesson for yourself.

[Warning! Spoiler alert! If you haven’t yet watched the third season of “Ted Lasso,” you might want to skip reading the rest of this post until you do.]

Ted is a divorced soccer coach who lives in London while his ex-wife Michelle and son Henry live in the U.S. Though he enjoys his work, the loss of his wife and the distance from his son makes Ted quite sad at times. He puts great effort into being engaged in Henry’s life from afar, even turning down social invitations as he prioritizes his relationship with his son.

In the episode “We’ll Never Have Paris,” Ted is obsessing over the fact that his ex-wife Michelle is getting serious with her boyfriend, Jacob, and fears they are going to get engaged when Jacob takes Michelle to Paris. Ted’s obsession is so intense, in fact, that when he, his best friend Beard, and his son Henry, are hanging out at a local pub, Ted uncharacteristically ignores Henry in favor of finding out more about Michelle’s situation.

Beard, seeing that Ted is distracted and that Henry notices as much, tries to help Henry by commenting that the song being played (“Hey, Jude”) was written to comfort a boy whose parents were getting a divorce. In the meantime, Ted is talking to his boss Rebecca on the phone. When Rebecca hears the crowd happily singing along to the song, she tells Ted to focus on Henry instead of worrying about Michelle.

Rebecca’s direct words caused Ted to realize his mistake and to focus on Henry while he was visiting. Ted took it a step further, though, and doubled down on his efforts to stay involved in Henry’s life, despite the challenges caused by their physical distance from each other.

As I watched this scene play out, I realized how easy it is to see when someone else is making the mistake of missing what is right in front of them. It seemed obvious to me that Ted should focus on Henry, who was sitting right in front of him, rather than on Michelle, who was not only absent physically, but also absent emotionally from him. But it’s much harder to see when we do it ourselves.

How many times do we fixate on someone or something that is absent from our lives rather than enjoy and be grateful for who or what is present in our lives?

From observing this behavior in others, I can say with some certainty that, for most people, the answer is often. Since I cannot see this behavior in myself unless I catch myself doing it, I can’t say for sure how often I personally do this, but I imagine that it is more often than I would wish.

If we can’t see this behavior in ourselves, then how can we change it? I suppose if we all had friends like Rebecca, that would help a lot. But most people won’t be so blunt with us and perhaps rightfully so, because most of us wouldn’t abide that sort of bluntness, even from those we love and respect.

But there is a solution, even without our own Rebecca pointing out when we fall short. The key is to begin asking ourselves as often as possible “Am I making the most of this current moment?”

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the past, in what we perceive is missing, or in what we wish was in our lives. In doing so, we can miss the joys and wonders that this present moment holds for us. Take a lesson from Ted Lasso and learn how to enjoy what is right in front of you.