Freedom's Role in Happiness
July 4th is a holiday in the United States in which we celebrate our country’s independence. It’s a day when the word “freedom” is tossed around a lot, but after nearly 250 years, in the U.S., we take our freedom for granted in a lot of ways. I suspect that most of us who were born here don’t understand how important freedom is to our overall happiness and well-being.
It’s difficult to argue that freedom isn’t important on some level. Modern societies literally take away people’s freedom when we want to punish individuals for “bad” behavior. Prisons, war camps, and totalitarian states are not places that most of us aspire to live in. Even having our freedom curtailed slightly can cause stress, as it did when folks were asked to stay confined in their homes when Covid was a thing.
Despite all people needing some base level of freedom to thrive, our needs can vary widely. Some people are comfortable living within communities with lots of rules and expectations, while for others this would be a stressful situation. I happen to be in the latter camp.
I grew up in a tightly-controlled household where much of my life was defined for me by my parents and by the church in which my father was a pastor. I didn’t thrive as a preacher’s kid because I resisted the many rules in our household.
Some of my rebellion was normal teenage stuff, but I only understand now — after much exploration of my inner world — that some of it was not. I had a deep sadness about the lengthy list of things I was forbidden to do, such as dance, wear jewelry, go to parties with friends, and even chew gum.
It’s only in retrospect that I know that my need for autonomy and independence as a child was quite high and when I got my first taste of freedom as a teenager, my thirst for it only increased.
Over the course of my adult life, I’ve done all sorts of things that my parents would not approve of. I was never reckless, however. Freedom is not about destroying our lives through reckless behavior; it’s about finding out what works best for us.
As an adult, I tried many of the things I felt I missed as a kid: dancing, getting my ears pierced, drinking alcohol, and more. Some, like dancing and jewelry, brought me great joy and still do. Others, like alcohol, I included in my life for a time until I was “done” with it or until it simply wasn’t fun anymore or was causing me problems which I wanted to eliminate from my life.
I never regretted trying anything that I consciously decided to do. For me, even when my experience wasn’t great (such as the first time I tried psychedelic mushrooms!), I still cherish having had the experience. I have some incredible memories from experiences that I’m (currently, at least) too afraid to try again (like the time my husband and I hired a local to take us around town in Guatemala and we had a moment when we thought he might do us serious harm!).
Today I realize that my need for freedom is perhaps higher than the majority of folks, not only compared to those in the world in which I grew up, but also as compared to the world at large. I talk to folks who, in my opinion, lack certain freedoms in their lives and the fact that they aren’t bothered by it astounds me.
Does my high need for freedom make me more or less qualified to speak about its importance? Probably both. Whereas your need for freedom may not be as strong as mine, taking a few notes from someone who values it more than you do may be surprisingly instructional.
In our day-to-day lives, the idea of freedom, autonomy, and independence shows up in many forms. Where we choose to live, with whom we choose to live, what career we will choose, whether to marry and/or have children, and how we spend our days all require us to have a fundamental level of freedom that allows us to make choices that will maximize our happiness.
In the U.S., we often equate freedom as being tightly coupled with our form of government. While true, this is not the entire story. Imagine, as an exercise, that we lived in a society where we were free to pursue anything we wished and that our government did nothing to prevent us from expressing our individuality. Would we, in that case, be fully free?
The answer for some of us would be a surprising and emphatic ‘no’.
Freedom doesn’t only stem from what our government decides to make rules about. It also stems from our personal beliefs about how much freedom we feel we are permitted to have and from the influence of others’ beliefs on us.
Even though my parents are both long gone from my daily life, their voices are still in my head and I sometimes still get a twinge of guilt over doing something for which I know they would not approve. Over the several decades I’ve consciously fought these leftovers of my mind, I’ve discovered how deeply rooted our freedom is in what we believe others think of us or of our actions.
Our need for approval or safety or love can drive us to give up our freedom even when doing so doesn’t actually give us approval, safety, or love. We can sometimes see this more clearly in others than we can in our own lives.
Have you ever seen someone bow to the desires of an abusive spouse? Even when their partner repeatedly disappoints them with unmet promises, the abused continues to hope and dream and believe that the next time will be different. This pattern is easy to see when we are solidly outside of the situation, but difficult to see when we are the one with the deep need that drives the suboptimal giving-in behaviors.
In the case of the role that freedom plays in our happiness journeys, we must each recognize and honor our own need for freedom, independence, and autonomy. Even if your need is lower than most, knowing how much freedom you need is the first step in finding it.
As we explore the role that freedom plays in our lives, there are questions we can ask ourselves to ferret out where we are doing well and where we might need to focus our efforts to increase our autonomy or independence in certain situations:
Did you grow up with lots of freedom, very little freedom, or something in between?
Were you happy with the level of freedom you had during your formative years?
In what ways did you “rebel” against your parents, your religion, your government, or against society in general?
As you grew from teen to young adult, did you begin to assert yourself more? If not, why not?
Did you ever “suffer” after asserting your independence or for making choices or comments that others didn’t approve of? If so, how did you feel about that?
In your current life, how “free” do you feel?
What obstacles to freedom do you perceive in your daily life?
If I had a magic freedom wand that would remove obstacles to your perceived lack of freedom, what would you ask my wand to do for you?
In my own happiness research, the subject of freedom and autonomy isn’t an often-cited reason for people’s unhappiness, but I suspect that’s because we can override our innate needs by being more grateful, more connected to others, and by other practices that bring us peace and acceptance of our current state.
Of course, I subscribe to all of these methods and if they work for you, I would concede that you don’t need to explore the idea of freedom as deeply as someone else might need to or wish to. But I also feel that a note of caution is warranted here because overriding our feelings can lead us to never find the full spectrum of happiness that we are seeking.
We all need some level of freedom to thrive. Knowing your needs and finding ways to achieve it (to the extent possible) is something that all of us needs to explore at some point in our happiness journey.
At this time of year when those of us in the U.S. are celebrating the birth of our free nation, take a few moments to not only give gratitude for the freedom you already have, but also to explore all the ways in which freedom plays a role in your overall happiness journey.