Remember the Past, but Live in the Present
This past week I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing.
For about a decade, I sang with a show choir (The Alexandria Singers) and this year is the 50th anniversary of the group. All of the hubbub surrounding this occasion made me nostalgic and I began looking at old photos, videos, programs, and more from years I performed with them.
My first reaction to reviving my old memories was positive. It was heartwarming to remember the shows, the music, and the people who made that period of my life so enjoyable. I was young, vibrant, and (to quote a song from one of our shows) I had “the world on a string.”
As I began digging deeper into my memories, however, a bit of sadness crept into the substantial sweetness. I had forgotten how young I looked then. I had forgotten how carefree those moments were. I had forgotten how endless life felt.
I began missing those fun times and wished I had a time machine that would transport me to 1998 so I could experience them again. I was sure I’d never have that much fun making music again. I began to feel old, that my best days were behind me, that I am a has-been.
Reminiscing can bring joy, but it can also bring grief. If we long for a day that does not and cannot exist, we will be swept away by feelings of loss and what can never again be. The more sweet the memories, the more intense the loss can feel.
Am I suggesting, then, that we should we never reminisce about the past?
No, not at all. Remembering our past can be fun and it can bring a new perspective to our current existence. We ought not avoid fond memories in order to shield ourselves from sorrow.
As it is for many things in life, I believe that balance is the key. We should remember our past with fondness, but we dare not try to live in it forever.
In my own situation, I gave myself ample time to enjoy the memories, but when I felt myself growing weary, I walked away. In fact, I literally walked away from my souvenirs, my artifacts, and my computer where many of my memories are stored.
I walked outside where my garden awaited. I took a seat among the raised beds and played one of my Native American flutes. My feral cat friends stopped by to say “hi” (and to get their evening vittles, of course). When the sun went down, I went back into the house where I spent the remainder of the evening enjoying a humorous TV show with my boyfriend.
Despite just a few hours earlier feeling that my best life was behind me, I suddenly noticed that my current life was full of joy. I didn’t even need to leave my house to find love, laughter, and leisure. When I immersed myself into living for the here and now, my despair at no longer living my past life disappeared.
My life is not the same as it was in the heyday of memorizing music, making costumes, and stumbling over my feet to learn dance moves. I still make music, but that part of my life looks much different now.
That’s not to say that I will never again spend all of my free time preparing for a show. I suspect that my days of performing in big productions are over, but I will not eliminate the possibility entirely. But whether I do or do not isn’t the point.
The point is that whatever I am doing, I want to be here, now, enjoying it fully. I don’t want to miss the miracles of the present because of my perception that a particular season in my past was somehow better than my present. As a seeker of happiness, I know that I create my own happiness by seeing what is magnificent about the current moment.
Are you enjoying your present life to its fullest? Is there a past you need to put on the shelf in order to savor this present moment?
Remember your past with fondness, but live each day fully immersed in your present.
