What Really Matters?
Recently during a conversation with some friends, I asked the question “What matters to you?” Our answers were as varied as our personalities, but I soon learned that this question is more difficult to answer than I had imagined.
The first problem with my question is that I wasn’t specific about what I was asking. There is a big difference between what matters to us overall vs. what matters to us right now. As I contemplated the question for myself, though, I also discovered that this distinction is more relevant than in simply being able to answer my question accurately. It’s also critical for being able to focus on the “right” things in our lives.
When I look at my life from a wholistic perspective, I can identify (in no particular order) things that have consistently brought me joy throughout my life:
Family and friends
Cats that I’ve shared my life with
Making music
Achievements of various kinds
Freedom to do as I please, when I please
Reading non-fiction books and learning
Maintaining my physical body for health and vitality
Having a pleasant, clean home
Engaging in creative activities
When I consider what is most important to me at this time in my life, the list is reflective of what I’m focusing on at the moment:
Writing Primrose Ponderings
Making music with my western flute and Native American flutes
Caring for my cat Meisha and for a few neighborhood cats
Gardening
Clearing out “stuff” and ladybugging
The question that I use to keep myself on track has been the same for decades:
Am I spending the correct amount of time on each my current priorities to achieve my overall happiness?
The good news is that because I have a diverse set of interests, if one of them disappears, I can achieve happiness by focusing on something else. A case in point was when my singing outlets disappeared during Covid, I picked up western flute again. I did have a period of grief when my preferred singing activities went away, but I quickly found joy with my flutes in a way that I once did with singing.
On the other hand, having a lot of interests has been problematic for me in some ways. I sometimes overcommit myself and end up agitated because I’m too busy to enjoy whatever I’m currently doing. Ever since I noticed how much stress this was causing me, I’ve worked on finding ways to simplify my life and to set priorities “properly.”
How have you managed your own priorities? Have you done well with that? What has worked for you and what hasn’t?
After the conversation with my friends, I realized that in order to be happy we have to understand our lives from the wholistic perspective while also deciding what to focus on at any particular stage of life.
In my case, if any of the things in my overall list completely disappeared, I would be quite unsatisfied. I can survive periods without having a cat in my life, for example, but if I was unable to have a cat in my life ever again, that would be truly sad for me.
What I noticed when I explored my two lists is that certain overall goals didn’t make the “now” list because I have worked to put certain habits in place which keep them going even when I’m not consciously thinking about it.
For example, I keep a personal library of non-fiction books so I always have something interesting to read. I maintain my physical body by eating a variety of yummy salads and by doing my own housecleaning and yardwork. I’ve mostly achieved freedom to do what I want, when I want, because I focused on retiring early when I was working a corporate job.
The items that did make the “now” list could be because they are simply new or ongoing interests (e.g., gardening and flutes) but some are there because they are ongoing struggles for me (e.g., having too much stuff and I don’t manage it all well). I can’t just ignore the bits that aren’t going well and hope that they will magically improve. I must identify where I am getting stuck and persist in solving these issues, even if it takes the rest of my life to do so.
Make Your Lists
Now it’s your turn! Write your overall happiness list and also identify what you are focusing on at the moment. You can write either list first or you can do them in tandem. You may want to keep your lists out where you can see them so you can add to them or modify them as thoughts come into your awareness.
Alternatively, you might want to spend time reflecting on these questions:
What has consistently brought me joy throughout my life?
What have I mastered or achieved that has led to joy?
What do I struggle with that has prevented me from maximizing my happiness?
Taking time to consider what truly matters to us, both in the short term and throughout our lives is critical to achieving happiness. We must be clear on what brings us joy so we can experience it more often. Taking a step back to see the patterns of joy in our lives can help us to identify the ways in which we can easily integrate more joy into every day of our lives.