Generosity Blossoms From Gratitude
One of the surprising things I noticed about myself after I began writing Primrose Ponderings is that I’ve more frequently had a desire “out of the blue” to give to others. For me, this desire showed up in ways in which I was already expressing my caring, but in a more extended fashion. It spread to more situations and people than I was used to.
I noticed that I began being more present for others. I wanted to listen to their stories, hear about their joys and challenges, and provide a space without judgement. I had learned how to “hold space” for grieving families when I volunteered regularly at hospice, and this skill, I realized, was a gift that I could share with people that I encountered in my daily interactions.
I use the word “gift” intentionally to describe what it is like for me to hold space because gift giving is my primary Love Language.1 It wasn’t all that surprising, then, to notice that I also had an increased desire to give gifts to the people that I love as this change was happening within me.
Not wanting to spend too much money — especially because I didn’t want anyone to feel that they owed me anything in return — I began gifting plants and herbs from my garden.2 I felt great joy when I gave gifts from my garden, in part because my garden feels like an extension of myself. I can now see that I was giving a piece of myself with each gift.
More surprising than my desire to give gifts, however, was that my desire for extended to those I didn’t (yet?) love. In fact, I began contemplating how I could give a Christmas gift to two of my neighbors, both of whom I barely know. One of these neighbors I’ve only spoken to a few times through her broken English and the other I’ve only seen on two occasions in the six years I’ve lived in my current house. I can’t say whether I even like these neighbors or not because I don’t know enough about them to make that assessment. And yet, when I was thinking about how I might spread Christmas joy this year, they both came to my mind.
I didn’t fully understand why my desire for giving had turned as it did until I heard a statement from one of my favorite authors, Charles Eisenstein. He said “Generosity comes from gratitude.” If you want to watch the video where I heard the quote, I highly recommend it:
Aha! I suddenly understood!
Though I’d learned about gratitude decades ago, when I began writing about gratitude at Primrose Ponderings, my own Gratitude Practice kicked into high gear. I couldn’t ask you to do anything that I hadn’t tried myself, so I tried it all: Gratitude Journal, Monthly Gratitude Calendar, Waking Gratitudes, and more.
In order to get my weekly newsletters out on time, I had to do some of the practices in tandem. My “job” was literally practicing gratitude so I could write knowledgeably about it. Unbeknownst to me, this “work” I was doing for Primrose Ponderings was changing me. Being grateful became a way of life. It became second nature for me to see the world as a place full of reasons to be grateful.
Having mastered gratitude to some degree, the Eisenstein quote suddenly made sense. My growing competency at having gratitude began spilling over and generosity was the result. I could see the wisdom of these words: “Generosity comes from gratitude.” And I could feel the results in my own life.
This was even more stunning to me as I am generally not a giving person compared to others I know. I’ve watched my friends and family give in situations where I would never consider it. I’ve read how generosity can increase happiness, but I couldn’t find the place in my heart to be more generous. It always felt forced for me.
I’d pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I was a selfish person and that I’d mostly come to terms with that. It’s what I needed to do to feel safe and to survive, I guess. What a shock it was to learn that I wasn’t selfish but that I just hadn’t stumbled upon the key to unlock my generosity.
Perhaps you have no difficulties with generosity. Like many of my friends and family, it may come easily to you. Thank God for folks like you! For the rest of us, who are a bit more selfish and self-serving, it’s OK to accept who we are. But what a gift (there’s that word again!) to know that a gratitude practice can lead us to places of generosity that we had never dreamed of.
If you haven’t already committed to a gratitude practice, it might be time to start. Perhaps, like me, you will discover that the seeds of gratitude can blossom into giving feelings and behaviors that may seem unlike you initially, but are actually aspects of yourself that have yet to be fully revealed.
One final thought: Generosity need not be limited to gift giving. Your primary Love Language may drive you toward a different style of giving, and the details are not important. What is important is that you observe how gratitude leads to increased generosity in your own life. What shows up for you? Might you engage in Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, or Touch? In what ways do you find yourself giving more after you’ve practiced gratitude for some time?
If I’ve learned anything through observing my relationship with generosity, what I’ve decided is that this Happiness Journey is worth taking. It might require work at first, but it becomes easier and easier, especially as our initial efforts expand into areas that surprise and delight us.
“Love Language” is a reference from the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The author focuses on relationships between married couples, but the concept can easily be extended to all relationships.
Members and guests of one of my Toastmasters clubs were frequent recipients of this idea. I discovered the joy of giving a speech about a particular plant and then giving everyone at the meeting a seedling of that type. So far, I’ve given my Toastmasters friends aloe vera, vincas, and basil plants. :)