Learning How to Pray

Do you pray? If not, why not? If so, how “successful” are you at praying?

Growing up in a Christian church, I was was taught that I should pray often. I was taught how to “properly” petition the Lord and it was common to hear that God always answers prayer, but with one of three answers: yes, no, or wait.

I don’t know whether the folks who taught these methods and theories about praying believed them; but, until recently, I was dubious about the entire prayer thing. I tried to pray, but my prayers either weren’t reaching their destination or I was just getting a lot of “no” answers.

For a very long time, I gave up on praying. If my prayers weren’t being heard or if the answer was always “no,” then what was the point?

Some people might explain my failure to get results from my prayers as simply a lack of faith. That might be true and I can’t say for sure what changed; but, for some reason, I started praying again and, to my surprise, I started getting answers! Even more stunning was that most of my prayers seemed to receive a “yes” or “wait” instead of the default “no” that I was used to.¹

Perhaps I’ve finally developed the faith needed for more “positive” answers, but I cannot say exactly how that happened. Quite oddly, I don’t feel that I found faith; but, if anything, faith found me.²

Even though I cannot (yet) explain how one can remedy a flailing faith, I can describe a few ways in which my own prayers are different now than they used to be. Perhaps my musings about what I’ve experienced will at least offer some insights into what changed for me — and how it could change for you, as well.

First, I’ve stopped praying certain types of prayers that, previously for me, all-too-often resulted in “no” responses. For example, praying for a physical healing is one that I’m now careful about. Rather than asking for a physical healing, I simply ask for a nebulous sort of “help” for the person. When the “help” comes, it could result in a healing, but it might instead be the revelation of a lesson or message that the illness exists to convey. (I’ve learned that sometimes physical healing also results after the lesson is received.)

I believe that God may not say “yes” to a physical healing, but he will always say “yes” to bringing about whatever the individual needs the most — which could even be acceptance of a terminal illness. Praying that the individual receives what is needed for their utmost and highest good ensures a “yes” answer, even if it’s not the answer I would prefer.

Secondly, I seldom pray “give me” prayers anymore. That is, I rarely ask for material goods to be rained down upon me simply because I want them. But if I need something and I truly believe that it serves my highest good, I will ask how I might acquire it. I believe that God wants to give us material goods, but not just because we want more, more, more. He gives us things that will enhance our journey on this earth and help us to grow.³

Another important way in which my prayer life has changed is that I do a lot more listening than I used to. As an extrovert, sometimes I need to talk to discover the question or petition I need to make. I’m pretty sure that God is OK with letting me talk to Him as much as I need to form an appropriate prayer. ;)

After God and I have finished whatever conversation needs to happen, I then have a relatively clear understanding of what my specific prayer needs to be. Once I get to that point, I simply state the prayer and then listen for the response. I don’t keep asking. With the prayer having been sent, I trust that it will be answered. My job is to keep listening until I clearly hear the answer.

The details of your prayer life may be different from mine. Maybe a lot different. But I think that when we petition our Higher Power with the proper attitude, overall positive outcomes are guaranteed. In other words, I believe that prayer “failures” are about us not yet realizing how to pray to consistently receive answers in a timely fashion.

I’m still experimenting with prayer to see what works for me. I encourage you to do some of your own experimenting to see what works for you.

Sometimes I think that God has already answered our prayers before we even think to pray them. He knows what we need and has already prepared the way before we ask. If that is true, then learning how to pray might be, in large part, about learning how to receive. I’m definitely working on this part of my prayer life and I suspect that I’m not alone in sometimes feeling unworthy to receive the bounty that God has prepared for each of us.

I have one final “trick” about praying and it might be the most important tip of all. When a prayer is answered, don’t forget to say thanks! :) It probably goes without saying that we should offer thanks after a “yes” answer is received, but we should also offer gratitude, even if the answer we’ve received is “wait” or “no.” If the only thing you can truly feel grateful about is the opportunity to make your petition known to your Higher Power, then focus on that thought and give the most heartfelt thanks you can for it.

I like to say “thank you” sometimes before the prayer is answered. It’s my way of acknowledging my own faith that the prayer will be answered and it guarantees that I’ll say “thank you” at least once, even if I later decide I don’t like the answer and refuse be grateful. ;)

If you pray, but like me, have faced some challenges in this area, my advice is to keep trying. I’m a firm believer that when we earnestly seek answers to life’s perplexing questions, we will eventually find them.

If your answer to my original question was that you don’t pray, I hope that I’ve inspired you to give it a try. And if you truly don’t know where to start, perhaps this simple prayer could be your first:

“Dear God, I don’t know how to pray, but I’d like to learn. Would you please guide me? Thank you in advance for answering this prayer! Love, Me.”

1. To be honest, in the past I wasn’t “hearing” God say “no.” I was simply giving up and assuming that God had said “no” because I wasn’t hearing any answer at all.

2. A discussion of how “faith found me” is beyond the scope of this post. There might be a blog post about that someday, but I’m afraid that the story is so long that it should probably be a book instead! ;)

3. I believe this is probably one of the reasons that the Bible says in James 4:3 that we don’t receive because we “ask amiss.” When we ask for things that don’t fit into our highest good, God says “no” to protect us. Often, material possessions fall into this category, especially if they distract us from more important things.