Never Give Up on Your Dreams
How long should you pursue a dream? One year? Ten years? How about forty years?
That’s how long it’s taken me to realize one of my dreams. Does that seem like too long? Would you give up on a dream if it took you four decades to see it come to fruition?
I admit that I wanted to quit many times. Why didn’t I? Because this dream was not just any dream, but what I’m calling a Substantial Dream. It wasn’t just a nice-to-have. I had to pursue it. I experienced many moments of despair during my journey, but the need to continue was stronger than my need to quit.
I’ve mentioned previously that I enjoy making music and that lately I’ve renewed my focus on my dream of playing my (western) flute in a group.
This musical dream took hold of me in high school. I was a late bloomer with regard to music, having never played an instrument until I was in the tenth grade. It was a random day when my choir teacher (who was also our school’s band director) asked if I’d like to learn to play an instrument.
It was the moment I had waited for since I had (regrettably) told my parents “no” when they asked me about playing an instrument when I was in the fifth grade.1 When I was offered the opportunity to play an instrument this second time, I didn’t hesitate.
My parents didn’t have money to spare for an instrument so I had to choose from what was available on loan from the school. I chose an Eb clarinet. I spent many hours with that clarinet, making the most obnoxious squawking noises until I figured out how to produce the proper sound. (Any parent who has listened to their child learn to play can probably relate to the horror of that sound!)
I remember my struggle with clarinet vividly because I was alone a lot during this period of high school. My brother (my only sibling) was in college and was preoccupied with his new girlfriend. My mom spent most of her time at the local hospital, tending to my father, who was dying from cancer.
God has granted me a lot of grace in this lifetime, but rarely as much as in that moment. As a 15 year-old girl losing her beloved father, that unassuming clarinet was my closest friend and a source of immense comfort as my family and I struggled with not only the loss of our father/husband, but also of our financial security.
Having no money for private lessons, I depended on whatever time my high school band director could spare to teach me. I cherished my Eb friend and was grateful for our all-too-short time together. I learned what I could about making music from my experience in band and as I learned more, my love of making music grew even stronger.
One day a friend from church who shared my love of music asked if I wanted to buy a flute. (I was a senior in high school at the time.) She was selling one for $60 and I happened2 to have $60, so I once again jumped at the opportunity that was presented to me. I ignored the fact that I had never tried playing a flute and didn’t know if I would even enjoy it.
That flute was the most expensive purchase I’d made up to that point in my short life. With the breadwinner of our household being gone, it wasn’t an advisable financial decision. But I never once regretted spending my entire savings on my first flute.
After I graduated from high school, I struggled to find a place to play my flute with others. I quickly discovered that the opportunities for very amateur musicians like myself was quite limited. My efforts to become skillful enough to play in a group were thwarted by several factors:
Lack of money
Lack of confidence
Lack of courage
Do any of those roadblocks sound familiar to you?
Looking back now, it wasn’t so much what was available “out there” that was stopping me as much as it was my own mental roadblocks that prevented me from realizing my dream. Much of my struggle revolved around not realizing this.
I did enjoy playing flute and I eventually bought a second flute (a gorgeous Gemeinhardt!) which I played in church sometimes. Along the way, I also acquired two acoustic pianos, a Bb clarinet, and (later) a digital piano. I spent decades piddling around on various instruments, but my journey always ended with me giving up (and often selling them) in a fit of “I can’t do this!”
I hit a turning point — but not a good one — in my early 20’s, when I tried joining a local community orchestra. After only one rehearsal, I gave up on playing with the group. While the rest of the performers made joyful sounds, I watched note after note whiz by on the page without me being able to play a single one. I was terrified by the experience and didn’t try again until… well, I’ll not give away the ending just yet but it was several decades before I was willing to even try again.
At one point I gave up on instrumental music altogether and focused on voice instead. My vocal journey was somewhat more successful, but it, too, was met with immense frustration over what I couldn’t do rather than what I could.
For a time, I felt settled with only pursuing vocal music. But another turning point came in March 2020. Some of you can probably guess what happened: When Covid hit in the U.S., people panicked and most in-person music making stopped. At the time, I was singing with the Threshold Choir at Hospice Austin’s Christopher House. All volunteers were denied entry to the facility and my only source of music making abruptly ended.
For a while I thought I could just wait it out. We’d be back to making music soon at Christopher House, I assumed. But when the Covid shots started being pushed, I knew I had a bigger problem. Having been vaccine injured once, I had already decided that I would never take a Covid vaccine. Even in freedom-loving Texas, I knew that I would be refused entry to Christopher House for the foreseeable future. I had to choose between protecting my health and realizing my dream.
I sat at a crossroads. Should I give up on my dream forever? If not, what should I do next?
In April 2020, on a whim, I bought a cheap flute from a pawn shop.3 NONAME (the name on his tag) and I became quick friends. He wasn’t the best sounding flute, but he was exactly the friend I needed to rekindle my music-making joy. When I could see that this flute thing was going to take hold again, I bought another, more melodic flute. I named him “Adam.”
Adam and my journey lasted a few years but I was soon searching for an upgrade. I found “Gabriel” at an online store and bought him sight unseen. It was love at first sound!
Not surprisingly, Gabriel became my new best friend. Sometimes it was a love-hate relationship as even his beautiful tone couldn’t hide my limited skill. But the Covid madness, far from making me feel like giving up forever, had made me realize that life is too short to abandon our dreams. I was determined to find another way to make music.
I spent the year 2023 allowing myself to embrace the joy of music. By year’s end, my relationship with music had taken a turn. It was akin to turning an ocean liner in a new direction, but I found that if one insists on turning that ship, amazing stuff can happen.4
With my newfound resolve, I searched and searched for a place to play Gabriel. Every group I found either required an audition (which I knew was a non-starter at my current skill level) or they were not accepting new flutists. I once again was left with flagging hope.
By December of 2023, I was successfully singing in a choir again (the Round Rock Community Choir) and the joy of that experience had reopened my mind to the possibility of playing Gabriel with a group. I didn’t mention this rekindled dream to anyone except my boyfriend and God.
Even so, after another series of “coincidences” (see footnote #2), within a week I had found two flute choirs and a wind ensemble which were accepting flutists at my level — and without an audition. I was stoked! I could hardly wait to investigate!
In January 2024 I made my final selection and joined the Violet Crown Flute Choir (VCFC). I also joined the Austin Civic Wind Ensemble (ACWE), which is the parent group to VCFC. My first rehearsal with ACWE was similar to my painful experience in my 20’s when I sat in horror as I watched the notes fly by without being able to play a single one. But God had already sent angels to help me and these compassionate women encouraged me to stay despite my discomfort. (Thanks, Debbie and Kim!)
My first rehearsal with the Violet Crown Flute Choir was surprisingly positive for me. The music wasn’t as challenging as ACWE, and when I played my first correct note with the group, it felt like the most beautiful sound I’d ever made on an instrument. It was like the heavens had opened and my flute “voice” had suddenly become integrated with the music of the Universe.
I’ve been rehearsing with ACWE and VCFC for several weeks now and though I’ve felt moments of frustration and fear, the experience has overall been incredibly joyful. Each week I’m becoming more and more comfortable and I’m now playing more than a few notes as they fly by on the page. ;)
This past week I played a few very wrong, very exposed notes at VCFC and, despite my substantial embarrassment, I didn’t die! That was the moment in which I realized that the most difficult part of my struggle was behind me. I’d finally crossed the threshold from walking toward my dream to actually living in it.
How long is too long to pursue a dream?
It really depends on the dream, of course. I’ve given up on dreams that were less substantial to me and haven’t regretted it. But making music is a dream that for me has always persisted, whether I tried to walk away from it or not. That’s why I characterize my dream of making music as a Substantial Dream.
If you, too, have a Substantial Dream, you’ll know it because you’ll never be able to walk away from it without feeling regret, sadness, and/or other emotions that will weigh you down and steal your joy. Pay attention to how you feel when you consider giving up on a dream. Are you more afraid of pursuing it or more afraid of letting it go?
Never give up on a Substantial Dream!
I hope within my story you will find encouragement to never give up on your own Substantial Dream, whatever it may be. Our society often tramples our dreams and forces us to believe that we should live within the boundaries that someone else chooses for us.
Is it any wonder that so many people are sad, despondent, and lack direction in life? We pursue things that don’t matter to us in an effort to appease the outside voices that demand we do their bidding, not ours. Don’t let others define your life and insist that some dreams are OK while others are not.
Your Dream is important. Cherish it. Trust that you can realize your Dream and persist on pursuing it until the day you die. If you’re currently stuck, here are a few tips that helped me to keep going when the journey became difficult:
Make adjustments as you get more information and/or when you hit a roadblock.
Ask for help more often.
Be open to opportunities that may not appear in the way you expect.
Decide that giving up isn’t an option.
If pursuing your Substantial Dream feels overwhelming, take a break from it. Do something else for a time or maybe even do nothing at all. When you feel re-energized and ready to pursue your Dream again, begin small. Don’t try to tackle everything at once.
Most of all, learn how to see what you’ve already accomplished on your journey. Like me, you might be surprised at how much progress you’ve made when you weren’t fully paying attention. ;)
The details of what’s preventing you from living your Substantial Dream are likely different from what prevented me from living mine, but I can say with some certainty that you and I have one thing in common: What prevents us from realizing our dreams is what is happening inside our heads, not what is happening “out there.” Find out what is going on inside your own head and you’ll eventually discover what is holding you back.
Keep pursuing. Never give up. The realization of your Dream awaits!
I said “no” in fifth grade not because I didn’t want to learn, but because I thought I was too stupid to learn and didn’t want to be embarrassed by the failure I felt was inevitable if I even tried. Do you have any similar mental blocks that you’re aware of?
Do you believe in coincidences? Me neither. ;)
By this point, I had sold all of my other instruments besides the digital piano, which I had pretty much given up on ever playing. In contrast to my clarinet and flutes, the piano never became my best friend. Some days I could barely tolerate the disgust I felt at my failure to learn to play the piano after decades of trying. Eventually I realized that I didn’t have the same connection to the piano as I did to woodwind instruments. What a relief when I realized that playing piano wasn’t a necessary component for achieving my dream and that I could let go of my belief that I needed to pursue it.
One of the most interesting stories I’ve heard recently with regard to never giving up is the story of R. Carlos Nakai, a famous Native American flutist. He was on his way to playing trumpet in a prestigious orchestra when a car accident ruined his embouchure and ended his career with the trumpet.
RC (as he likes to be called sometimes) was gifted a Native American flute after his accident and this simple gesture changed the trajectory of his life. He is arguably the most famous Native American flutist in the United States at this time. Ironically, as a NA flutist, he has been the featured artist with many orchestras and symphonies over the years. I suspect that RC has achieved much more success as a Native American flutist than he ever would have as a trumpet player.
The Universe/God can see farther than we can and R. Carlos Nakai’s story is a reminder that if we are open to the leading of Spirit, we can achieve beyond what we can imagine.