Take a Timeout!
Do folks still give their kids a “timeout” for undesirable behavior? Though I never had kids myself, I remember my nephews, nieces, and friends’ children being given a timeout when they did something their parents disapproved of.
A timeout in this sense was meant to remove a child from the environment in which his or her “bad” behavior was occurring. It was also intended to have the child think about what they did. Although the time was limited to only five minutes or so, to most children, those few minutes felt like an eternity.
I remember watching the difficulties that parents faced with this disciplinary action. The kids didn’t want to sit still. Sometimes they whispered angrily under their breath. Lots of them kicked their chair or the wall in front of them. Often tears ensued… by the parents! ;)
I don’t want to be too critical of the practice except to say that, knowing what I do now, I fear that we may have set these children up to resist a practice that would positively impact their mental health today: meditation.
Have you ever tried to meditate? Almost everyone I’ve talked to about this practice expresses difficulty with meditation, at least at first. When I first began sitting quietly (I didn’t even call it meditation back then), my brain felt like a belligerent child, screaming, crying, and employing any excuse to get me out of that chair.
I couldn’t believe how difficult I found it to sit in silence and without distractions for even five minutes. I finally understood how those restless children felt!
In the fast-paced world in which most of us currently find ourselves, meditation can indeed feel like a punishment. We are so distracted with “bread and circuses” that to sit without these distractions can feel not only uncomfortable but downright unsafe at times.
Our minds dislike being quieted. Our minds behave like rowdy children, resisting the quiet that would allow us to observe our own endless chatter. Our minds deem it better to drown out our chatter and if we can’t do with the loudness in our heads, we’ll search for even louder, outside sources.
But what’s the problem? Who cares if don’t stop to listen to the chatter inside our own heads?
Most notably, we never truly discover what we think and feel about life, ourselves, and the world around us. This not knowing sets us up for failure because we can’t achieve what we want or need if we don’t know what it is we truly want or need.
A secondary issue with this void of understanding of ourselves comes because we are more apt to listen to outside voices and act on them if we don’t have a clear view of what is important to us.
If you’ve ever ended up somewhere unexpected and, possibly, unwanted in life but wondered how you got there, it’s possible that you got there because you were simply living on autopilot. You didn’t have a clear direction, so you ended up somewhere surprising (to you).
Meditation removes us from autopilot mode and puts us in a position to “hear” our own thoughts. Once we become adept at listening to ourselves, we can begin the journey of knowing who we truly are, of discovering what brings us joy, and of realizing the dreams that become apparent when we are silent.
But how does one begin and maintain a meditation practice?
To begin is simple: sit in silence.
Starting is straightforward, but the challenge is in the maintenance of a practice. Thus, the more apt question is “How do I continue to meditate when my mind is doing everything in its power to stop me?”
One of my biggest hurdles was that I thought there was a “right” way and a “wrong” way to meditate and I struggled to create what I thought was the only “right” way. I didn’t have a private space with a fancy pillow and a Buddha statue. I couldn’t sit in a cross-legged position for a long time. And what was that finger thingy all about? With all these hurdles, I figured I was doomed to failure in my efforts.
A huge shift in understanding came when I turned off the radio in my car one day. While sitting a stoplight, I realized… I was meditating! Sure, it only lasted a few seconds. But it was the longest I had ever meditated up to that point.
I continued to drive without radio noise for a time (and still do occasionally). Every traffic light was an opportunity to quiet my mind. I even decided that I could close my eyes after I read a book in which the author encouraged me to do so: “Go ahead and shut your eyes when you’re stopped at a redlight. Trust me, the guy behind you will let you know when the light turns green and your meditation time is up.” ;)
As I became more proficient at sitting in silence, I found I could do so for longer and longer periods of time. I decided to stop criticizing my “failed” efforts at meditation and instead I observed whatever my mind had to say that day. Ironically, allowing myself to do it “wrong” ended up propelling me toward even longer periods of comfortable silence.
Until now, I have only tangentially mentioned meditation here at Primrose Ponderings, but despite my seeming silence1 about the topic, I highly recommend it. In contrast to what we often hear about meditation, it is not a tool for any particular spiritual practice. It is a tool for all.
Because I have more than a few readers who are Christian, I want to briefly address how meditation fits into the Christian faith. Most Christian churches already have a concept of meditation, though many churches don’t call it that.
When you are listening for God’s Voice, that’s meditation. The best explanation I’ve heard about how meditation fits into Christianity is that prayer is telling God your needs and desires and meditation is listening for His response.
If you are not a Christian, you can approach mediation as listening for your own inner voice, the voice of the Universe, or the voice of any other Deity of your choosing. Meditation is a sort of catch-all word that transcends2 religion, so don’t feel that you are required to align with any particular faith or spiritual practice in order to take advantage of its benefits.
When there are thoughts, it is distraction: when there are no thoughts, it is meditation. — Ramana Maharshi
Inside each of us lies a child. Sometimes the child is petulant, sometimes scared, and sometimes happy-go-lucky. But our inner child needs to take a timeout as much as any misbehaving child. Unlike the timeouts that parents give to children, however, our timeout is not for punishment, but for inner peace, for understanding ourselves, and for living a life of joy.
Begin today by taking timeout. If you’ve never meditated, keep an open mind and give it a try. If you’ve struggled with the practice, keep trying because it does get easier the more you do it. If you’re a frequent meditator, turn up the volume3 on your practice and see just how much you can quiet your mind.
Pun intended. :)
Transcendental mediation… get it? ;) It’s a pun! Hey, I didn’t say it was a good one. ;)
Pun intended again. ;)