You Already Know The Answer... So Act on It!

Several years ago, I stumbled upon this question which I now keep at my desk where I will see it almost daily:

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this question even before I noticed that someone had taken the time to write the question down. My search for a “better” life has, I’m sure, truly given me a happier, more meaningful life than I would have had if I’d have allowed the river of life to carry me where I happened to be rather than where I wanted to be.

I love this question because it implies and reminds me of several important points:

1. “Better” means whatever I choose it to mean.

2. I already have the answers I need if I am willing to seek them.

3. Action is a critical component to success.

I need to be reminded of these three points often so I can construct a life that aligns most closely to my values, interests, and goals. While the question itself is simple, answering the question is less straightforward. I have quite literally spent a lifetime asking myself this question, settling on answers, and adjusting my thoughts and actions based on the answers that came up for me.

While the list of goals that I have achieved by asking myself this question in one form or another is lengthy, I will only mention a few of the biggies and how I achieved them:

Education

I knew I wanted a career that would provide me with a handsome salary. I didn’t need to be super wealthy, but having grown up quite poor, I knew that I didn’t want to repeat my parents’ financial struggles. My solution was to study computer science and join the burgeoning world of technology.

While I was a good student, math and science were not my forte. My answer to the “what do I know” piece of the question was that I needed to study hard to get that piece of paper that would get my foot in the door of a career. But I didn’t want to study! Some days it was so boring! I forced myself to do so, however, because I knew it would make my life better.

I was so pleased with the results I achieved from earning my Bachelor’s degree in Math that, after I started working, I went back to school part-time at night to earn a Master’s degree in Computer Science. There were many nights when I didn’t feel like studying or going to class, but I did because I knew doing so would make my life better.

Career

I knew that I wasn’t the smartest or most tech savvy kid on the block. Sometimes I struggled mightily to keep up with the pace of technology in my work. I was an OK programmer, but almost by accident, I discovered that my greatest successes came not from my technical skills, but from my social skills and work ethic.

When my boss needed someone to give a presentation, I volunteered. When my boss needed someone to write a technical document, I volunteered. When, in one case, my boss didn’t do his job, I stepped in and quietly filled in some gaps. (This last one was noticed and I landed the biggest promotion of my career because of it.)

Over time, I was respected at work because I had a unique talent for being able to communicate technical concepts to my bosses and customers. I was also willing to do jobs that other software engineers weren’t willing to do. I didn’t go into my career expecting that my day-to-day work would morph so much over time, but when I noticed that success was coming from someplace unexpected, I acted on it. That simple adjustment made my work life so much easier and more fulfilling than it would have been if I’d remained rigid about what my career “must” look like.

Marriage

When my husband unexpectedly walked out on me, I was lost. I had no idea why my marriage had ended and my ex was no longer talking to me, so I couldn’t ask him. I liked being married and thought I might like to try again, but I was terrified. What if I blew it a second time?!?¹

The only thing I could think of to act upon at the time was reading books about marriage, so I began there. Some of the books were helpful, others not so much, but dipping my toe into the self-help literature was a turning point for me. Not only did I find love and marriage a second time, but I began seeing how much more there was to act upon to make my life even better still.

I couldn’t have known it at the time, but my husband walking out on me opened the door to my self-growth and that has made me successful beyond the expectations I had set for myself. And it all started because I knew my life would be better if I learned how to manage my romantic relationships better.

Today… and Beyond

At the time of writing this, I am 57 years old, retired, and no longer need some of the skills I honed for my career and earlier life. But this question of what I know keeps coming up because I believe there’s more that I can do to improve my life. This is not about hoping or dreaming.² It is about deliberate, intentional thinking and action.

These days I think a lot about my health, about happiness (obviously!), and about what activities bring me the most joy. While I have many choices that could bring me joy, I’ve settled (for now) on making music, writing, hanging out with cats, reading, gardening, and spending time with the many people I love.

Most days my life is quite pleasant and enjoyable and there’s not much I want to change about it. But I still contemplate the question because within the larger context of my life, the decisions I make every day will determine whether I continue to be happy, healthy, and wise or whether I descend into a place I don’t want to be.

My choices at this stage in my life are no less important, but rather than deciding to study or take a class for work or read yet another book about relationships, my decisions are often much more mundane: “Should I eat that cookie?” “Will I do yoga today?” “Which piece of music shall I practice today?”

Some days the thing that would make my life better is to call Mom³ or one of my aunts. Some days the thing is to mop floors or wash dishes. Some days what would make my life better is to rest — but only after talking a long walk.

The possibilities are endless, which is why we have to keep asking the question to find the best answer for this moment.

Answer the question truthfully. No one needs to know your answer unless you choose to discuss it. Think about what you dislike about your life as it is now and choose one thing that you know would make your life better if you acted on it. You might even want to write the question down and put it in a place where you will see it every day.

If you continue to ask yourself this question and act on the answers you reveal to yourself, the results will likely please and astound you. :)

1. I actually did blow it a second time with marriage and you know what? I survived that, too. I obviously didn’t learn everything I needed to know the first time, so a second divorce came to help me grow even further.

2. Hopes and dreams are necessary but insufficient for achieving our goals.

3. My own mother is gone, but my boyfriend’s mother and my ex-husband’s mother are both “Mom” to me now. When I say “I need to call Mom” I’m referring to one of those two lovely ladies. :)