Alternative Holiday Gift Ideas

I recently wrote a post about how to choose gifts that more often inspire, delight, and bring joy to the receiver. But what if you want to avoid the consumerism of the holidays or want to avoid adding more stuff to your life or to your loved ones’ lives? In that case, you need to look at alternatives to traditional gift-giving.

I’m going to share just a few ideas here. Use them as I’ve suggested or use them as a jumping-off point for further ideas.

Use the Five Love Languages

For some people, gifts in general present a challenge because it is not one of their love languages.¹ If that happens to be you or one of your loved ones, there are ways to give “gifts” that don’t include physical gifts. First, you need to find out what the person’s primary or secondary love language is. Then use your creativity to choose a gift that fits that love language.

If your primary love language is Acts of Service, you could make your own coupons for Acts of Service that they need/want and that you can do for them. For example, if your mother is frail but loves having a clean house, give her a coupon that she can “cash in” to have you clean her house. Alternatively, you could purchase a year’s worth of cleaning service for her.

If you and your loved one share Quality Time as a love language, consider planning an activity that you can do together. This could be anything that your recipient enjoys doing and you might even get bonus points if you choose something that he/she likes but you don’t. ;)

One caution about using the Five Love Languages as a gift: If the recipient’s top one or two love languages doesn’t match yours, be sure that you are using their preferred love language to choose a gift, not yours. Even if you are pouring your heart into your gift, your loved one needs to feel the expression of your love in the way you intended. If you use the “wrong” love language for them, your recipient might view your generous and heartfelt gift as a non-gift and be quite disappointed or even upset at you.

I speak from personal experience because my primary love language is gifts and before I understood the concept of love languages, I viewed anything other than a physical gift as a cop-out of sorts on the part of the giver. I wouldn’t view it that way today because I know better and have learned how to appreciate other types of gifts, but that used to be quite a stumbling block for me.

Gift Cards

Gift cards have become a frequent go-to gift when someone is particularly difficult to buy for. But this practice can still be problematic because you might buy someone a gift card to a store or restaurant that is wholly wrong for them. If you know their favorite store(s), however, this might be an excellent gift for some folks.

If you’re considering a gift card to a restaurant and you live close to the recipient, you might want to also consider inviting the person to dinner instead (your treat, of course). This increases the joy by adding YOU as part of the gift. Plus, you get to share in the treat by spending quality time with your loved one.

Donate to a Charity in Their Honor

Donate to a charity that you know the person supports. Again, be careful about this one, because if the recipient is expecting and desiring a physical gift, they might view your gift as lame or, worse, as no gift at all. If you are sure, however, that your loved one would appreciate your donation, this could be an interesting and welcomed alternative to a physical gift.

A few cautions are in order here: If you choose to make a donation in someone’s name, make sure it is a charity that they actively support. Don’t assume that they will be delighted with a donation to PETA just because they love animals or because they once supported that group. Even more importantly, don’t assume that they support causes that you do if you’ve never heard them express direct support for such causes.

Focus on the Practical Side

Christmas can be troublesome for some folks because of the cost, time, and energy spent not only on gifts but also on meals, travel, and other sundries that need to be purchased. If you have someone like this in your life, you might consider focusing on something practical as a gift.

Cash is always welcome, of course, and when presented in a clever manner, it can be most delightful. On my mom’s last Christmas before she died, she crocheted each person on her list a stocking and put money in it. The cash was appreciated, but the stocking was as much or more a part of the gift as was the money.

Gift cards might be appreciated in this case, but if you want to purchase a practical gift, think about what the person uses every day. New parents might appreciate diapers or formula. Grandkids may enjoy receiving a case of their favorite soda or snack (assuming mom and dad approve!). If your budget allows, you might buy a train or plane ticket for your young relative who wants nothing more than to simply be home for Christmas.

Ask Them What They Want

I have a friend who, when asked what she wanted for her birthday, suggested that her entire family spend a day on yardwork. For several years, she looked forward to this annual event and I wonder sometimes if she didn’t get extra joy out of watching her children do something they hated just to give her a special birthday. ;)

Have you ever asked your loved ones what they might want besides a physical gift? You might be surprised at the answers.

Last year, my boyfriend’s family chipped into buy his parents tickets to a show at a local theater. Each of our individual families bought tickets for ourselves, so the gift was not just the show for them, but it was also the time we spent as a family enjoying the evening together. (Quality Time was one of the love languages that was covered with this gift.)

During the planning phase, we told the parents only that there would be an event on a certain evening. When the day came, we told them what the surprise was so they could dress appropriately. They were delighted with the gift, especially because not only did we buy their tickets, but the evening also included the gift of togetherness.

Final Thoughts

Gift giving can be a challenge, but the most important thing to remember is to put your heart into it, no matter what you choose.

I still have that stocking with money in it that my mom gave me on her last Christmas with us. I’ll never spend the money because its sentimental value to me is much greater than the value of the money itself. When my mom was preparing her gifts, her options were limited because of her ill health at the time. She couldn’t do the big Christmas the way she wanted to, but it wouldn’t have mattered to me what she gave me. She could have wrapped up a stick and I would have cherished it forever.

When you’re struggling with what to give this season, remember that the entire point of gift-giving is to share your love. You’ll probably get it wrong sometimes. Maybe a lot of times! But if you lead from your heart, you will have the best chance of delighting your loved ones with your gifts — some of which might be remembered for a lifetime.

1. The term “love language” originated in a book by Gary Chapman entitled “The Five Love Languages.” If you’re not already familiar with the concept, I recommend reading the book and taking the quiz to find out what your love languages are.