Finding Peace Within a Violent World
On September 10th, Charlie Kirk was assassinated at Utah Valley University, in front of a group of college students who had gathered for a Turning Point USA event. His killing came on the heels of the stabbing death of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska in Charlotte, North Carolina, and was followed on the same day by a school shooting in Evergreen, Colorado.
It felt unimaginable to me that I live in a world where these senseless killings seem to be happening with more and more frequency. The news of each of these events bothered me, but I felt inexplicably overwhelmed by the shooting of Charlie Kirk.
I saw a video of Charlie being shot just moments after it happened. The news quickly rippled through social media and, within minutes, it seemed that the entire world was talking about it. Hours later, the sad news came that Charlie had died from his injuries.
This event stunned the world, even though many people didn’t know much (if anything) about Mr. Kirk, his talk radio show, or his background. I was personally shocked (but not surprised1) about the attack. I was only slightly aware of his work, but his gruesome murder affected me deeply for several days.
Were you affected by Charlie Kirk’s murder? In what ways were you affected? What emotions come up for you? Which were the most difficult to process?
Because I was reading social media posts from my friends, I knew that I wasn’t the only one who was deeply affected. I wanted to offer words of comfort to my readers in my blog post last week, but I found myself too distraught to find the words at that time. After a week of reflection, I’m hopeful that I might be in a place to now write something helpful about it.
My time spent analyzing the events of the past week have led me to have many thoughts about the subject, so I could write much about it, but what I want most to do in this post is provide comfort and a way forward for my readers, so I will limit my comments toward that end.
I don’t have all the answers, but even without them, I might stumble upon something here that might help if you are struggling to process this incomprehensible event.2
As I was processing my own emotions, I went inward to find ways to comfort myself. I ended up praying more than usual — sometimes asking for guidance and sometimes asking for peace; but, most often, asking for an end to the violence in our country.
Even with all my efforts, I found peace within myself difficult to come by. Coincidentally, just a few days later, I had the good fortune of seeing a friend I hadn’t seen in years, one whom I knew would also be doing similar introspection and might have some answers for me. I asked her, “How do we find peace amidst this turmoil?”
My wise friend gave me a simple (but not easy) two-step process for regaining my peace. First, she said, I should feel my emotions, pay attention to them, and then let them go. When that was completed, she suggested, I should then focus on what is positive, loving, and peaceful.
I’ve written previously about how to handle difficult emotions, so I was well-aware that I needed to feel my emotions, whatever they are. I also understood the importance of emotions and of not labeling any of my emotions as inherently “bad.” When my friend described letting the emotions pass, it reminded me that I’d encountered that same idea in the book “The Untethered Soul” many years ago.
By the time I had the conversation with my friend, I’d successfully felt, processed, and let go of the strongest and heaviest emotions that had arisen for me. What I needed to hear more about was the second step, which was to turn my focus toward what is positive, peaceful, and loving.
My friend explained that our reality is shaped by what we perceive. In one sense, this is easy to understand. If I hadn’t heard about Charlie Kirk’s murder, I would not have had any thoughts or emotions at all about it. In that case, my “reality” would have been a world where this slaying didn’t exist.
It’s harder to understand this concept (and I am still struggling with it myself) when we have heard difficult news or when something unwanted has entered our field of view. We cannot simply pretend that we don’t know about it and hope that it doesn’t affect us. It’s now within our awareness and we must find a way to “alter” our reality if we don’t want its negativity to consume us.
The way we “alter” our reality is to focus on the positive so much that it crowds out the negative. Remember, however, this part comes AFTER we have processed our emotions.
Much of the criticisms about “positive psychology” stem from the fact that people mistake the idea of focusing on the positive to mean that we never explore our difficult emotions, but we cannot have peace in our hearts if we are unwilling to examine what is causing our unrest in the first place.
In theory, I understood that my friend had the answer I was seeking, but I needed more help. I was very grateful when she continued by sharing practical examples of her advice.
Knowing that I like to garden, she suggested that gardening was a great way to find peace again. I added that my feral cats also provide me with a positive experience that makes me feel loved, makes me want to be loving, and that brings peace to my soul. My friend finds a similar solace with her neighborhood birds. She also suggested being in nature, which is something that brings me peace, as well.
As I thought about it more, I uncovered many other ways to focus my attention that would create a “reality” of love, peace, and joy in my life.
Playing my Native American flutes is a way I’ve found to almost immediately make me feel less anxious when I am struggling. Watching a funny TV show with my boyfriend or going to our favorite Thai restaurant brings me joy, even when life feels heavy. Listening to my favorite music can shift my mood quite quickly, as well.
Helping others is a surefire way to move me out of an emotionally dark space. At the current time, I am blessed with several opportunities to do so. Continuing my weekly routine of volunteering at Hospice Austin’s Christopher House, helping some dear friends plan their upcoming anniversary party, and writing this blog post3 have all helped me, even as I processed my heavy emotions surrounding the events of the past week.
Finally, I realized that I might want to seek out more social events where I can interact with and get advice from folks like my friend who are wise, calm, and willing to do the difficult work of finding peace in their own lives.
As I explored this idea of creating a “reality” full of love, joy, and peace, I remembered a Bible verse that addressed this very subject. I like the King James Version because that’s the version I learned growing up:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. — Philippians 4:8
Thinking on truthful, honest, just, pure, lovely, and virtuous things doesn’t mean we ignore the pain and violence in our world. It just means that we shouldn’t let those negative words, thoughts, and images become the lens through which we view the world.
Violence is, unfortunately, ever-present in our world. Though we should pray for its end, we must not be naïve about the likelihood of seeing that end anytime soon. In the meantime, the best way for us to create a more peaceful world is to find peace within our own selves first.
I was not surprised because the U.S. has become increasingly polarized with many people being unable to see any redeeming qualities in those who think or believe differently than they do. Left unchecked, this kind of thinking will eventually lead some to want to eliminate their “opponents” by any means, including murder.
I need to express an assumption I have about this blog post. I am assuming that if you are reading this, you are not celebrating Charlie’s death. If you are, this post is probably not for you. I welcome you to read it, anyway, but I am unsure how to address the (hopefully small) group of people who found Charlie’s assassination to be a “good” thing. The celebration of someone’s murder is, in my mind, not acceptable in any context.
I love the meta-ness of writing this blog to help you, while doing so increases my own well-being. :)